I haven’t cried. Nope. A revelation, yes. Surprised, no.
The last time I cried so hard it hurt was when my brother was killed training for the ’96 Olympics in cycling. I cried because I didn’t get to ride (bicycles) with him. In fact, he was supposed to visit me in New England and ride through the changing leaves as a ‘leaf peeper’ that Fall. Something you couldn’t really do in Colorado since pine trees just don’t have the same effect. I cried until I hurt so much I decided right then and there I had to move on and figure out how to be happy again.
How does that relate to me today? I think I learned that crying is a way to clear out any painful emotional experience. But this part of the journey had not been painful. Stressful, yes. Painful, aside from surgery, not really.
Why is a great question at this point. Why not painful? I could say it’s because everything was caught in time, but I think I’ve learned that mindset is ‘Why’.
There have been so many times in my life where my only option was to use my mindset. I didn’t have money, there was no obvious solution to the problem, time was not on my side, but I did have my mind to use as I saw fit. How I chose to look at the issue was what mattered most.
Looking back over the years I definitely can say I was NOT that mature, but I did learn to listen to myself and ‘go with the flow’. As I gained different experiences and tried to tough it out or outlast others, I wasn’t as successful and it was a whole lot more work. Relaxing into myself took some effort and I had to shut off my ‘learned response of control’, but it has been worth it.
This part of the journey has been more about looking to what I wanted for myself as a future, than about the bad possible outcomes. Mindset. Being happy with those important to me.
