The dryer incident from earlier this week now seems small (2/27 post). Yesterday as I was driving home in rush hour traffic, I felt an anger and frustration I had not felt in several months. It was very disconcerting because it was born of just sitting in traffic. No one cut me off, no one’s actions created the frustration. It was just me sitting there.
I haven’t been out much in the last couple months, so this group of feelings was a direct result of NOT being in the regular activity of life. Why did this show up now? I thought I was making progress in not accessing this anger/frustration? Maybe my progress was only because I’ve been out of circulation for a couple months? How do I now manage this set of feelings, because they just show up now, unannounced?
I know of one obvious way – disengage. Just stop doing, examine where the feeling is coming from and what could have set it off. Seems simple enough, but last night I found myself frustrated, much past getting home and making dinner. It did help to minimize the feelings, but they were still there later in the evening.
Maybe the cancer thing really hasn’t helped me to be better. Maybe instead it has highlighted what I need to change.
I have so much work to do…
