You Want More Than You Think

We often talk about the importance of knowing what you want. It’s hard to get what you want if you don’t know what it is.

Many of us go through struggles because we follow along and live automatically instead of living a life of purpose, driven by what we want.

The truth is we all want many more things than we realize. But, I’m not necessarily talking about wanting material things like a new job or healthy relationships.

Much of what we want are emotional things. For example:

• We want people to like us
• We want things to stay the same
• We want things to be better
• We want to spend more time with our family
• We want to get ahead at work

There are so many – often contradictory things – that we want but don’t necessarily think about.

They are just wants we have sitting in the back of our minds. This jumble of conflicting wants keeps us where we are and many times we’re dissatisfied as a result.

I remember someone told me that many people are unhappy with their work-life balance because when they are working they wish they were at home and when they were at home, they wish they were getting more done at work. How can you possibly win when what you want switches based on where you are?

To see these discrepancies in what you want, you first have to know what they are.

For me, I go to my whiteboard or pull out a big yellow legal pad and start writing down all the things I want. I used to focus on the material things, but I’ve come to realize those material things are just outcomes.

Instead of the material things, I try to focus on the emotional ones. I ask myself, what do I want ‘to feel like?’ For example, instead of wanting a job promotion, recognize I want to feel respected at work.

The emotional wants are closer to the “Why” of what I want, instead of the “What”. And, it’s the “Why” that powers and underlies everything.

There are so many thoughts, beliefs, and feelings running around in our heads. Many of them are unrecognized wants. Getting to know the “Why'” behind them will help you better understand the experiences you have in your life.