Self-Talk

Self-talk. We talk to ourselves, sometimes without knowing that we are doing it. Sometimes it’s a commentary on what’s happening. Other times, we’re talking about what happened in the past or what might happen in the future.

Self-talk can be encouraging and it can be discouraging. We can be excited and hopeful and other times we’re rehashing experiences and ruminating.

How can you learn to talk more positively and less destructively?

Here are three ways that we’ve found helpful:

Quiet your mind – take a pause

With negative self-talk, your mind seems to take over. It runs and runs and keeps spinning scenarios and dragging you down rabbit holes. This can happen when you are afraid or nervous. You feel out of control and your mind tries to come to your rescue.

When this happens, the best thing to do is to take a pause. Seek a sense of calm to quiet your mind. This is when you can exert your power of choice and remind yourself that you can choose. You don’t have to blindly follow your racing thoughts, but you can choose to be in charge of what you think about.

Shift your focus – what do want?

After you’ve achieved a little bit of calm, how do you maintain it? This is when you change what you are thinking about – whether it is coulda, woulda, shoulda of the past, or the fear and anxiety of the future. Shift your thinking towards what you want for your best future.

Question yourself – be selective in your thinking

The third way to help yourself to think more positively is to be more selective about what you think about. You don’t have to believe every word you say. Just because you think it, doesn’t mean it’s right or even true. You have thoughts going on in your head all the time that just aren’t true. Some examples of the kind of stories you might make up:

• • • You sense a slight that might not have occurred
    • You worry about a scenario that is way into the future
    • You ruminate about a memory that has long since been forgotten by everyone but you

Challenge yourself and consider if those thoughts are really true. If they are – do they matter? Learn to question yourself and think critically just like you do when you read something in the news or watch something on the internet.

What you think about matters, and you can choose what you think about. Don’t let your self-talk decide what is important to you. You can choose.