‘Old Beth’ Makes an Appearance
Have you ever had a time when you were really looking forward to doing something, then it doesn’t happen?
It happened to me this past week. Interestingly, it was quite a different experience for me than it has been in the past.
My usual thinking kicked in when I realized it wasn’t going to happen with disappointment, frustration, and a bit of ‘why me.’ I expected all that and stepped back to say, ‘there is something better that will happen instead,’ just sit tight for a bit.
What showed up, but I didn’t expect was the recriminations that ran through my head of the person who disappointed me. I asked myself where all this noise was coming from. The sense I got was the ‘Old Beth’ was frustrated with what wasn’t going to happen.
Let me introduce you to ‘Old Beth.’ She is the part of me that retains much of my old behaviors, beliefs, and automatic reactions that I’ve made efforts to change because they aren’t working for me anymore. She is essentially the part of me I choose not to be today. She is still alive and well within me, but I’ve asked her to take a back seat in my life. This past week she decided to move back up to the front seat and help drive.
It took me a day to rein her back in, but in doing so, it was a chance for me to reexamine the shifts in the thinking I’ve made over the past few years.
How I’ve Changed Inside
If I could give you a visual of what the inside of me looks like today compared to what it used to look like when I started this journey with Peter, it would be the difference between a dark, cool purplish blue room and a room filled with light, warmth and good vibes.
Today when something doesn’t quite work the way I would like, I don’t default into anger and frustration leading directly into ‘you’re not good enough.’ Instead, I’ve been building a replacement thought pattern that keeps me focused on a better future.
I’ll often say to myself ‘well that didn’t work, so what is a better alternative I would like instead.’ It has the effect of keeping me from going down the negative path and helps me shift my thinking to a better future. It is amazing how much better I feel without the resistance that negative thinking brings.
Don’t get me wrong, visits from ‘Old Beth’ were much more common in the near past, but today she comes more as a reminder of how much I’ve changed and how much better it feels to have taken the steps I have. I can choose my thoughts, and I did.
Eventually ‘Old Beth’ moved back to her place in the back, back seat with much less fanfare than in the past, but she reminded me of how much I have shifted my thinking and the improvement in my general well-being.