My Fear of Disapproval

Early in my career I really struggled with fear of disapproval because so much of what I was socialized around as a girl was making sure others were taken care of first and not to brag about what I accomplished.

I remember in my first job out of school sitting down with one of my first managers after about three months and she was rather irritated because I would preface everything I did with “I’m sorry this may not be the best work you’ve seen…” She promptly let me know that my work was fine and that I needed to stop apologizing.

For months after that, I would bite my tongue to stop myself from discounting my work. It was really hard to stop this automatic reaction. I struggled to reconcile my beliefs around bragging about my work and the feedback from that manager. I thought everyone would hate me and stop working with me. In fact, I was sure someone would fire me because I was being so brazen if I didn’t apologize before I explained my work!

Over time I watched others to understand how I could act and what I might be able to contribute without apologizing all the time. My initial attempts were small. I slowly started to make my points earlier in discussions and more visibly. Eventually, I realized my contributions were on par or even better than others.

My fear of disappointing or being disapproved of (yes, I was told to my face I didn’t belong in some meetings) by others was holding me back from doing some of my best work.

I realized it was worse to disappoint myself than to be concerned about what others thought of me.

This has taken work over the years, but looking back I can now see the many different work products I would never have been able to accomplish without taking those first steps to engage people outside my comfort zone.

When we talk about being your own best friend and taking small steps to make changes in your life to get what you want, it always starts with the first step. You build confidence and momentum over time.

If you fast forward 5 years from today and never make any changes, what would you potentially not have accomplished, enjoyed, or discovered if you didn’t raise your voice because you thought someone would disapprove?