I want to change, but others don’t want me to…

by | Feb 23, 2021 | Beth's Voice, Experiences

As Peter and I began to shift our thinking from fear and worry to a perspective of abundance and possibility, we started to notice other people’s reactions. It often entailed some comment to bring us back to the old mindset we were trying to move beyond.

It’s usually difficult to make a change, especially when it involves lots of unknowns, but it is even more difficult when the people around you, sometimes the ones that love you the most, unintentionally work against you.

A good example of this is when you’re starting to make the shifts in your thinking where you don’t worry as much and trust in things working out for yourself. Then one afternoon you find yourself in a conversation with a good friend, family member, or someone else you care about. Because you know and trust them, you share how you’re trying to take a more positive approach to life.

When they respond they are are often encouraging, but throw in some concerns like, ‘don’t assume things will work out,’ or ‘you always need to think about the worst-case scenario,’ or better yet, ‘don’t get your hopes up – you need to be prepared for bad outcomes.’

It can be downright frustrating to shift your thinking habits away from the negative into a more optimistic pattern, but then you have to listen to the negative threads in others ‘encouragement.’

A good way to manage these situations is to recognize they are going to happen. You can ignore the comment, change the subject, reframe the comment so it reflects your new perspective of abundance, or in the worst case you can leave the conversation. The choice you make should reflect the circumstances and always leave the person in a good place. As I mentioned to someone, sometimes you have to let all the chatter roll off your back like a duck. It’s all about you, and eventually, people will come to realize you’re not the same person.

Sometimes people are threatened by the changes you’re making for yourself. When this happens, they’re afraid they will be losing some aspect of you that they depend on. Unfortunately, this is pretty common. One suggestion is to focus on what you want people to be like when you are with them. Good examples include a warm demeanor, being open to different perspectives without judgment, being generous and helpful. Imagine how good it feels when they are supportive and understanding.  Eventually, you will draw that part of them to you.

We learned this after we were working on ourselves and our own thinking patterns. After a few months, we realized we were becoming the person the other person wanted us to be. The surprise for us was that we never actually asked for these changes in each other, it just happened. The net of it all is that Peter and I are once again best friends.

Life can be so complicated, but if you focus on yourself and work a little bit each day, the changes add up and you’ll find yourself one-day exactly where you want to be and with who you want to be with!!

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